Big Brother, Are You Happy?

Dear Big Brother,

I loved you

And I should have been able to trust you.

Brothers are meant to protect,

So why did you think it was okay to do?

I refused to believe

That someone who meant so much to me

Would break me in ways

No 14-year old should be.

I told myself it was my fault,

That I was to blame.

But I realize now,

It was your actions that put me to shame.

I put my faith in someone

And took steps towards my well-being.

But it tore my family apart

And left me nothing but pain.

I never did find myself

In a position to be angry with you:

Not for what you did to me

And not for what you put me through.

It took me years to recover

And, yet, I still find myself healing today

Because you left me with scars

Both physically and mentally.

But, somehow, 

I found the strength to forgive you.

I made myself a role model

For everyone around me too.

So, big brother,

What do you have to say now:

That you're sorry

For bringing me down?

But, you see,

Sorry doesn't cut it.

Are you still that blind

To everything you caused me?

You turned my life upside down,

Left me with nothing but numbness.

The girl that was once so perfect:

Me, well, I felt worthless.

As you carried on,

All I could do was hurt:

Slowly melting away

And feeling like I was about to burst.

Still, even now,

I don't believe you deserve it

Because you don't have the right

To feel broken like I do.

So, big brother,

Now you see:

I may have forgiven you,

But it will never be what it used to be.

I haven't forgotten

All the pain and misery;

But, hopefully one day,

I will finally be me again.