Bile

She looked at herself in the mirror to see her swollen eyes

flushed cheeks 
tear streaked face 
and with the taste if bile in her mouth. 

Looking back at what she's became it's so strange

It started with her thinking she was ugly
And she stopped looking in the mirror
She started avoiding her reflection
It would only freak her out

She would only glance at her appearance 
Just long enough to make sure her clothes were in place
And always refrained from looking at her face

Then slowly 
So slowly 
Like a lion stalking her prey
She began to talk a little longer to stare at her reflected face

She pointed out a of her flaws 
Her every mistake 
She made sure she kept count of what was out of place

Her too flabby arms
Her too fat thighs
Her too big stomach 
And the unibrow over her eyes 

She became so disgusted  
By the her very image 
And so transfixed with fixing it 
That she became a totally different person

One day when she was getting out the shower
She stood over her sink
And let her towel slid through her hands

There in her glory
Dew dipped and vornerable
Her body started to revolt 
She saw more flaws than she saw herself

She chocked on the warm bile she felt coming up her throat
She regretted looking at the hideous thing she has to call a body
She was  repulsed by her face 

She became so nauseated my herself that she wanted to relieve the ache
Three out her hand and
She snatched  her toothbrush and shoved it down the back of her throat 

She heaved
When she finished all she only felt empty

She began to only hang out in bathrooms
Sheeting the inside of sinks and toilet bowls became some what of a hobby
And trying to to seem obvious to what she was doing became a breeze 

Of course her parents didn't notice
They were to inter tangled in their own engagements to even see
And Her friends
 she had none she had none

She was wasting away 
And doing so fast 
She handed her cloths to her mom to take them in

She hid behind the barb wire and barricades people had for her
And neglected her health

Because her own image caused her to scream 
And the sight of her face made her want to heave 

She became so foreign to me
Wanting to try anything to relieve the pain 
She was willing to waste away
Because it was the only thing in her life she could change

You may wonder how I know her
Or know this girls story
Well it's because this girl was me

I was fed up with my all to flabby arms
And my too big thighs
And my too far stomach 
With my too far apart eyes

I was tired if my stepped on crumpled life 
And the house whose arguments lasted late in the night
I was alone with no one to turn to 
And took comfort in knowing 
That my sink would be there

Until one day I became overwrought
With seeing the inside of tolit bowls
And the basin of a sink

Until one day after I heaved up another piece of my being
And watch it go down the drain
I looked into the mirror at My swollen eyes and flushed cheeks and my tear streaked face with the taste of bile in my mouth and thought 
Look at what I've became
It's so strange. 

I went it bed that night and soaked my sheets in my tears
I made it a mission to stop
Every day I would say five things I liked about myself
1.) my braces made my teeth nice
2.)my hair kind of looks nice 
3.) 
And some times I would just have to bs

3.) i like my too flabby arms
4.) I like my too fat thighs
5.) I like my too big stomach and the unibrow over my eyes. 

Now I refuse to go back
I never want to be what I had been
Now I'm trying to move on
 

And trying to find the me within lo