Birth Mother

Thu, 01/16/2014 - 18:22 -- Bodicca

I walked in alone

No phone, no knife, no money

I walked in alone

No friends, no comfort, no home

I walked up the stairs alone

Loose skin where once was a baby

I reached the top alone

 

They walked in together

With MY happy baby

They hugged me and loved me

 

I am still alone

 

They handed her to me and I love her

I cry on her alone

I love her some more

I cry softer—more painfully alone

This is what a breaking heart feels like

Worse than the birth I had alone

Worse than the sexual wrongs been done to me alone

Worse than death I’ll die alone

But am not alone—not when she’s with me

 

Where is she now.?

 

I stand up front alone

I shake with self- loathing and nausea grips me

She enters and speaks in her black robe to me alone

I hate her and her solemn way

Cold hot tears alone

“Yes,”

Right hand up, “I solemnly swear,” alone

“No,”

“Yes,”

“No.”

I make my shaky replies alone

Ever held a 5 ton pen?

I sign her away, forever alone

 

I hold her, my sweetheart Riley Rae

My precious little baby born to me in May

You and I against the world

You and I together forever

You and I the best of friends…

I wish I could erase the ink

 

I hand her back

I stand alone

I dig in the skin in my arms

They hug my statue while I look on alone

We leave the cold brick building together

I walk 5 blocks of my own Green Mile alone.

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