Bits and Pieces

If I could do it all over I would. Even if I got hurt the same…the thought of having you again is enough. To be enough. Something I never was. I was interesting I was fun I was an “I don’t know” But I was never the one. I hate you. I love you. I want you. Why is it always you? Why can’t I hate without guilt? Why can’t I love without pain? Why can’t I desire without my mind calling out for your name? Without attachments Without placement of hands interlocking with mine. I know I’m not making this up in my mind. Yet the lies show truth. An irealic image of me and you. Together again. But ever since then my viewpoint has changed …and now you call out for his name. I know what you did was wrong but it's been too long. I’m sick. My heart feels like it’s dying. My chest clenches at the thought and yet you’re still lying. I need to be alone to deal with this grief. But for some reason you’re still trying. It’s gotten to a point where you want me to cry. You want me to show the emotion you never could reciprocate. You want me to tell you how I feel again and again. You want me to validate. My feelings for you depreciate the more you feed off of me. You’re like chains that my heart is shackled to and you know it’ll never be set free. Because I love you… In a way that you’ll never love me. “In this world of windows leading to the inner workings of everyone's soul, she decided to look through mine. And she didn’t look away. She chose to look through my heart and in return, I chose to stay.” That is why I could never hate you. I have every right to but I don’t. It's not worth it. You pry and I try but it doesn’t fit, like two pieces of the same puzzle that look perfect yet don’t click. You are my forever, I am your enough. There’s an imbalance. But my heart has grown too weak. I’ll give you my everything if it means we can meet in the past again. I don’t know when, but one day. Until then…I will forever be your enough if it means I can be something. If it means that in another reality…you’ll stay.