Bitter Sweet

BitterSweet

The sweet things in life are often bad for you

The one thing I can’t live without is the one thing I don't have

The one thing I can’t live without doesnt even notice me

The one thing I can’t live without is Zahir Sinclair

Zahir Sinclair, a man who is the devil yet an angel

The man who has done everything to hurt me yet made sure I was okay

The man I was with for two years

The man I was always there for yet when I got molested wasn’t there for me

The man I called when my 9 year old cousin died in a car crash on Halloween

Yet proceeded to tell me he was having sex in that very phone call

The person I can’t live without doesnt want to see me alive

The man I can’t live without told me life would be easier if I wasn’t around

The person I can’t live without is the exact person who handed me a bottle of Advil to take

The one thing I need is him

I will always love him

But I need him to remind me of how far I have come in five months.

If stranded on an island with him apart of me would love to love him

Yet drowned him with the cryptic words he said to me at the same time

If stranded on an island I would love to be with him

But I would need to be with my unborn child.

A child I didn’t tell anyone about

A child I gave up for a pill

If stranded on an island I would do anything to have my baby

To hold him or her

To love someone the way I’ve never been loved

I can’t live without being at peace with my past.

The past that drives me to be someone I don’t even know exist.