Black is the Color

I’m jumping up and down, gleeful. Ecstatic, even

At the same time I lay down with my hands over my head,

head between my legs. Racking sobs. It’s because she had lived,

because she had died

Happy tears, sad tears, a cry of joy matched with an equally passionate

mournful cry of torment and pain

A dry ocean, a desert of emotion

Happy-sad, dark-light, sorrow-joy, swept over me,

under me, around me, consumed me

I could hear the sound, but I could not understand the words

and then I realized the sound was me, breaking

In one moment I was feeling everything and feeling nothing

I was shattered, I was saved, I lost everything

I was given all

Something in me died, something in me was born, and all I knew

the girl was gone

Whoever I was then, I would not be now

I could not be now

I. Must. Move. On.

The world ends with not a bang, but a whimper

My world had ended with a silent cry,

a cry lost in the hurricane. Never ending

Hope, gratitude, ambition, love

Despair, regret, hate, fury, pain

I’m alone with my demons

Neglected, outcast

Don’t try, give up. Let them win

I try to fight it, but I can’t drown my demons

Not when my demons can swim