"[BLACK] PARENTS VS. MENTAL ILLNESS"

[BLACK] PARENTS THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU
DONT PAY BILLS THAT YOU SHOULDNT BE STRESSED..
OR UPSET, SUICIDAL, OR EVEN DEPRESSED....
BUT MOM,
LISTEN,
THATS NOT THE CASE.
IVE BEEN GETTING BULLIED SINCE 
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL,
WISHING I COULD DIE SINCE THEN, TOO.
WRITING SUICIDE NOTES SINCE I KNEW
WHAT THEY WERE,
AND DEPRESSED FOR AS LONG AS I KNEW
WHAT IT MEANT.
AND NO,
I HAVENT PAID A BILL BEFORE.
I USED TO CUT,
STOPPED,
AND THEN PICKED UP THE HABIT, AGAIN.
I USED TO TAKE A PALM FULL OF SLEEPING 
PILLS TO GET A SIMPLE NIGHTS REST.
I THOUGHT THAT IF I GOT A JOB, 
MAYBE THESE DEMONS WOULD DISAPPEAR.
MAYBE THESE INSECURITIES WOULD AS 
WELL,
BUT NOPE,
THATS NOT THE CASE.
I WAS STILL DEPRESSED,
JUST WITH FATTER POCKETS.
SEE, 
MY MOM COULDNT SEE THAT HURT IN MY
EYES,
SHE COULDNT HEAR MY CRIES OUT FOR 
HELP.
NOT BECAUSE SHE WAS SO BUSY "PAYING 
BILLS",
BUT BECAUSE SHE WASNT LISTENING.
WHEN YOURE A MINOR IN A BLACK 
HOUSEHOLD,
OPINIONS DONT MATTER,
FEELINGS ARENT IMPORTANT,
AND DEPRESSION DOESNT EXIST.
SO TO HER, AND MY SISTER,
I WAS JUST THE ODD ONE OUT.
JUST A LONER,
A SELFISH,
LAZY TEEN 
WITHOUT A FUTURE,
BUT LITTLE DID THEY KNOW
THAT I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE.
FIGHTING-
SO THAT MY DEMONS WOULDNT WIN.
BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IF THEY DID WIN,
ID GET NO CLOSURE,
ID JUST BE THE WORTHLESS FUCK THEY
THOUGHT ME OUT TO BE.
IM DETERMINED TO STAY HERE,
SO I CAN "PAY MY BILLS",
but when i do, 
my kids feelings 
wont be ignored,
because i know that 
theres more to life
than just 
"paying bills".