Black Sheep

Let me tell you a story about a girl who’s life changed in a blink of an eye,

As I sit here wondering why?

Growing up I never thought I would come this far 

My father a pastor, my mother was never home. 

My brother a drug addicted, my sister in her own zone. 

hard for me understand what love was, but fuck what love means, 

cuz in my home there was no family. 

Everyone moving at their own pace,

Even my own dad didn’t even have faith.

By 9 I was always told, I was never going to be a dime. 

Being bullied was always on my mind 

hearing my mother cry and my father screams sent shivers down my spine,

With every yell and every hit 

I wonder why I live like this. 

 At 13 I thought I found what I believe was love but it was only a boy who wanted to fuck. 

I didn’t know any better if only I knew he was going to change my life forever,

I was looking for love in all the wrong place

Thought he was the one who can filled the void but came to realization that he was just another boy.

The satisfaction of the lust that was between us was too real.

He was my dream boy.

but to him I was just another girl that he can enjoy.

Years went on without him and I speaking.

four years later, I couldn’t even hear the word “rape” without wanting to scream and cry.

It became clear to me that I was raped by a man who was twenty one years older than I. 

My mistake, after all was said and done I realized he was the one who fucked me up mentally 

Now I can’t bare being with a family that dreads me. 

I became suicidal and started to self harm.

I had cuts up and down my arms

Blood flowing like an ocean of depression 

Man I had fucked up intentions.

As if I was drowning and screaming someone come save me

Nobody could hear me. 

As the years went on I struggled with depression and still 

I tried to be the perfect daughter, friend and girlfriend to everyone around me.

I always put people first never once was I selfish.

I always took care of people when they needed me the most 

but when I needed someone

There was no one to be close. 

Maybe this is what I was made for. 

Maybe I was put into this earth to help others

well fuck,

where was everyone else when I was bleeding on the bathroom floor 

crying for help. 

Nobody was there and nobody cared 

Like they say people only care if you’re pretty or dead. 

With these pills in my hands

I am trying to understand

“Why God made these plans”

Through these stanzas 

I figured out what my plan was.

To help the trouble youth

realize that this is something you can get through.