Blank

Blank. This is where I draw one. The paper looks so clean, so properly sophisticated in its purpose until I destroy it. I’m always doing that sort of thing. Ruining the purpose for which something is perfectly set in place for me. I don’t like to make things easy, I really don’t. It’s probably part of my lack of sophistication which drives me to be so, reckless. I would blame it on my stature but I would be fooling myself. I could blame it on my age, but I’m smarter than that. Or, I could even blame it on my parents, who bore me to be the way I am but, I’m not enough of a teenager. I’m not really enough of anything. This height requirement for everything I like restricts me from the ride that lies ahead. It calls to me, the rollercoaster driven sanity calls to me. What is wrong with that sentence? Maybe the spontaneity is what really intrigues me, or the danger of it, or maybe the simplicity of feeling the “in-betweens”. You know, on a rollercoaster your either high or low, but there’s always that point of an in between. No matter how long they may or may not last, they still occur. Oh to feel an “in-between” again, that would make me whole. To be somewhere in the middle, I would be complete. But then again, I’m always somewhere in the middle. That’s it! I am stuck. There is no drive for me to become anything more because I fear the extremes, and have feared them. And there’s no reason for me to be lesser than when I already know I’ve exceeded the past due notice reminding me over and over that my book is due. I simply apologize, return what I have borrowed, and walk away. But what if I wanted to renew, secretly wanting to keep that feeling forever scheming to pretend to “lose” it pay for it, then call it my own. But, that would be dishonest Aria. That would be lazy, Aria. All you had to do was ask for HELP ARIA! “Help,” I peep. Silence. Now the page is covered, filled with art and talent; no longer a need to thirst for substance a need to be whole. There’s is no longer a cry for help a promise to be different or proposal to change. No longer, Blank.