blank parchment

No one can hear me

That’s probably because I won’t let them

I’m hidden

But I like that

I refuse to use to the cliche “dear diary”

I refuse to give in to my problems

Admitting I’m not okay is giving life to the thoughts that haunt me

There are also times I just don’t know what to say to you

I try to speak and my lungs fill with water and I choke-

I can’t breathe

When I try to write my pen instantly runs out of ink

Or my mind draws a blank on what I wanted to write

Or the paper tears because I’m too busy choking to notice my pen is ripping the paper apart as I try to write

I should tell you I’m not okay

I should want to share all my thoughts and emotions with you

But I can’t

The parchment stays ripped on my desk or in my bed

The ink from my pen joins the water and continues to choke me everytime I try to speak

And my mind- well- my mind has nothing to say to anyone

Including you