Blinded By Falsehoods

Melt the ice that's been covering my eyes

Expose my corneas to everything that has passed me by

All the faces that I had known are changing at an alarming rate

And all the things I used to believe in have vanished and escaped

I feel like I've broken the frost that had froze over my once watery dreams

Now floating freely they elude my grasp with frustrating ease

Draining on to the ground in an unobtainable puddle

I watch them waste away as they saturate into the rubble

I've never really tried to find the reason for the source of my pain

Because most of the time it's self-induced and I've developed the habit of finding others to blame

A nasty habit i know, But i won't lie and claim it's temporary

Because behind all the blurred lines and mudded windshields, I've found sanctuary

Now i find myself treading through deeper waters than i ever intended swimming through

And the further i go the faster the rip tides pull me inside the deep dark blue

Like bubble wrap underneath the feet of children, I feel my reservoirs of air quickly deflating

As I'm slowly being crushed underneath the weight of the world, I feel like my threshold is dissipating

I feel like I'm under a grater that's revealing my layer of falsehoods,

Shredding at my deceitfulness and bringing to head something that no one has ever understood

Like the sun's rays poking through the gaps of a trees branches and twigs

The light of the truth covers all my charades, whether they were minuscule or big

Like watching the last shovel full of dirt hitting an unmoving and desolate grave

I feel like any attempt to save what is left of me will have all been made in vein

I feel like a wind of shallow and and inch deep promises are all I have ever given

And what kills me the most is that each time I'm discovered I am always forgiven

I feel like a comatose vegetable, with life support  being wasted on me, a lost cause

Yet people keep believing in me, trusting that I will one day rise above the odds

I have been beaten senseless with the guilt that devours my conscience

But what good is feeling guilt when you never try to rebuild and improve upon it

I've been told countless times that self awareness is worth perceiving

But how can i begin to smell the roses when my intentions to change keep receding?

The irony of the phrase "you can be whoever you want to be"

Makes me laugh at the very essence of its philosophy

Because when you keep building walls around the person you've already become?

Makes morphing into something else seem beyond distant and impossible to overcome

I can't help but bitterly smile when it all explodes like a gas ridden star

When the fire burns the wick of realization and you lose sense of who you are

watching the pieces of my carefully constructed image burn into the night

I come to the conclusion that the person I made myself out to be generated a temporary and dim light 

Like a rocket pulsating in space through the dense layers of the atmosphere

I begin to see that everything I ever fought against was my own self-induced fear

That all of the blockades i thought the earth was pitting against me?

Were just the dreams i failed to grab when when I was blind to hope and couldn't see

I feel my soul open a little wider  when the lyric of a song enters without knocking

I feel the depths of my despair vanish, and the crawling I've been doing all my life suddenly changes into walking

With empowerment  flowing, shock waves of hope crash against my heart

And for the first time in years, I envision the thought of a fresh start

I feel myself thinking that maybe breathing isn't just the expansion and shrinking of my lungs

That maybe it has more to do with the promise of life my Epiphany has brung

And as the melted water of my once iced over gaze quenches the thirst of a dehydrated stem

The once wilted spirit that inhabited it rights itself with the belief that one day soon I'll be happy again

Because I realized nothing believes in me more than the heart that beats inside my chest

That the only reason it pounds is because of my will to live until my dying breath

And even when I'm gone?... I'll leave the world with a lasting impression

Because I've etched my legacy into the dirt, without fear of my memory suffering any regression

I am more than I had originally set out to be

and because of your words of hope, the last of my pain has been set free