Blue

I guess it was in the way that you looked at me the first time we met again

Blue eyes framed with a hint of longing,

Or maybe a little glimmer of regret.

I wasn’t so sure at the time.

Because two years had passed and we had barely spoken to each other.

Mostly we just tried to avoid.

I’m not sure who was avoiding who anymore.

But there you were, almost asking for a third chance.

But I don’t give out third chances anymore.

Maybe once upon a time I would have,

Maybe once I would have given anything to get the chance to forgive you and forget.

But no, not anymore.

I spent too many quiet nights wondering what I had done wrong this time.

Because it was my fault you ran away right?

And it took years, two long years to be able to fix myself up again.

Two years to forget your sea green eyes,

Forget the first “I love you” I had ever said to anyone.

Forget how you changed me,

despite me thinking that it was I who had changed you.

No, you stayed the same

Reckless, impulsive, uncaring, and so cleverly manipulative

And I guess I got stuck with some of that.

They say every seven years your cells will be completely new and untouched from previous ones that died,

But I know that every inch of me that has been tainted by you shed away long ago.

I made sure of that.

Perhaps that was the true beginning of the hurricane in which I became.

Perhaps I was at first destructive in the beginning of those two years.

I can’t excuse that.

But now as I look into those same eyes that once held my future,

I can no longer see the promise you once made.

So no, I will not let my storm bow down to yours.