Blue Sky

It was a sunny day

The day I decided to die

Grabbing fate by the wrist, telling her “no more. I’m done playing your rules”

I smiled

For life and I were ready to part ways, dear friends who would never see each other again

It was a sunny day,

The day I called my best friend to say goodbye

The first time she didn’t pick up, the second time she called crying

Not understanding, wondering if I was lying

Only wishing to hear her beautiful voice one more time before the end

She always deserved more than what I could give her

It was a sunny day,

The day I grabbed the scissors and cried

Red, the color of passion, desire, love, and strength slowly dripping down my arm

My strength leaving me with each stroke of the metal paintbrush, failing in my task

It was a sunny day,

The day I looked at the orange pill bottle and sighed

The medication made to heal used to hurt

To save used to destroy

Blue oblong pills falling out of my shaking hands, falling into my waiting mouth, waiting for it

The endgame

The end

It was a sunny day

The day I called my parents and cried

Wrapped in my brother's coat, ushered into the car swaddled in deafening silence mixed with fear and worry

It was too loud

The sound of my failures drowning out the concerned voices, the doctor's questions, the beep of the monitor, the thump of my heartbeat

It was a sunny day

The day I lost the lie

Lies unraveling faster than a spider’s windblown web, reality shattering, hearts breaking, minds reeling, souls being crushed under the weight of buried sin

The aftermath hurts more in the end

It was a sunny day

The day I paid the price

My family cracking like thin ice

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741