Blue Sky
It was a sunny day
The day I decided to die
Grabbing fate by the wrist, telling her “no more. I’m done playing your rules”
I smiled
For life and I were ready to part ways, dear friends who would never see each other again
It was a sunny day,
The day I called my best friend to say goodbye
The first time she didn’t pick up, the second time she called crying
Not understanding, wondering if I was lying
Only wishing to hear her beautiful voice one more time before the end
She always deserved more than what I could give her
It was a sunny day,
The day I grabbed the scissors and cried
Red, the color of passion, desire, love, and strength slowly dripping down my arm
My strength leaving me with each stroke of the metal paintbrush, failing in my task
It was a sunny day,
The day I looked at the orange pill bottle and sighed
The medication made to heal used to hurt
To save used to destroy
Blue oblong pills falling out of my shaking hands, falling into my waiting mouth, waiting for it
The endgame
The end
It was a sunny day
The day I called my parents and cried
Wrapped in my brother's coat, ushered into the car swaddled in deafening silence mixed with fear and worry
It was too loud
The sound of my failures drowning out the concerned voices, the doctor's questions, the beep of the monitor, the thump of my heartbeat
It was a sunny day
The day I lost the lie
Lies unraveling faster than a spider’s windblown web, reality shattering, hearts breaking, minds reeling, souls being crushed under the weight of buried sin
The aftermath hurts more in the end
It was a sunny day
The day I paid the price
My family cracking like thin ice