Body

I hate my body.

I hate my hair.

How long it is,

It touches my neck and I can feel it,

I get the urge to pull until there's nothing left. 

I hate my hips. 

How feminine they are

They make me want to claw at my skin until there's nothing left and I finally go numb.

I hate my chest.

It's there, 

You see it,

I push and I push and I wish.

I wish it wasn't there

I wish I could change.

I hate makeup.

It feels dirty and fake

But I can't escape it, cause I need it

I hate my voice.

It's too high pitched, 

It cracks in unflattering ways,

And it makes me want to scream and cry 

But then I would have to hear myself.

I love my body.

I love my hair.

How long it is,

I can style and do cool things with it

Different braids and updos,

It makes me happy to play with and change.

I love my hips.

How the fabric can cling and hang off in just the right way.

Just how I want it to.

I love my chest.

How good I look in a blouse

I can look at myself and know I'm wearing what I want.

I love makeup. 

It lets me express my feelings

Gives me something to control,

It's how I want to look, not how I need to look.

I love my voice. 

It's distinct,

It's me,

It can't be silenced.

I hate my body and how I look.

But I hate more that I care what I look like 

Or how others think I look.