Borderline Bitter Year

Cool breezy autumns spent resting on park benches

Always observing others spent in conversation

Always distracted by the typical schoolyard "he said, she said"

Always exchanging giggles and secrets said in confidence

Always keeping those I'm meant to hold close at arms length

Always with company

Always alone

Harsh quiet winters spent around the warmth of others

Comfortably seated in a circle telling stories of what may be

Comfortably stealing glances from one that sits across from me

Comfortably hiding pieces of myself for friends to gradually fit together as our time together passes

Comfortably wondering if everyone does the same

Comfortably being uncomfortable in my own home

Sweet scented springs spent on a blanket that we share

Peacefully matching my breath to yours under the soft warm sun

Peacefully moving closer to the body that always makes me feel at home

Peacefully returning the smile you've given me, simply for being there with you

Peacefully lying next to the one who accepts me

Peacefully being at peace

Dry blazing summers spent melting within myself

Anxiously racing in out and between my thoughts

Anxiously going between tossing my phone away and checking it every waking second

Anxiously replaying, in my head, what once felt like a dream

Anxiously reliving a nightmare