To The Boy I Once Loved

to the boy I once loved,

sometimes i think that even the pain of dying

isn't as unbearable 

as the feeling of your heart shattering 

into a million pieces

i'd rather experience the sensation

of my life

expelling from my body

through my opened wrists

then face the fact 

that you're never coming back

ironically enough 

that's exactly what you did in the first place

life with me wasn't enough 

so now

i'm forced to exist in a life

without you

but that's exactly it

i can't do it

you were my lifeline

the air i breathed

the confidant i told everything to

the peacekeeper of my tainted soul

the one i loved unconditionally 

i don't have the strength to move on

to thrive in any way 

if you aren't there by my side

and that's impossible

i miss you

i miss you 

i miss you

why'd you leave me

come back

please

you abandoned me

treated me like i was nothing more than

a child’s broken toy

used

useless

i understand in some ways

in others

i don’t

in the end

you are still gone

nothing i have confessed

or done

will ever alter that blatant fact

you destroyed me

brick by brick

stone by stone

yet

i am still standing

and now i’m saying goodbye

to you

to the girl

you forced me to become

alive i stand

strong i remain

absent you are

i have adapted

grown

thrived

thank you

to the boy i once loved,

goodbye