The boy who ruined me

You broke me.

You ruined every good thing about me.

You took away my freedom, my trust, my confidence.

I gave you everything I had,

And you threw it in the dirt while you laughed in my face.

I wanted to talk.

You didn’t.

I wanted to love you and be with you.

You didn’t.

I wanted you to want me.

You only wanted me naked in your bed.

I have been violated for the second time in my life,

But this time it was by the boy I loved.

This time it was by the boy I trusted.

I came over to talk to you,

To work things out and apologize.

You threw me on the bed, shut off the lights,

And told me to shut the fuck up and go with it.

You kissed my neck feverishly, so hard that it hurt.

I said I just wanted to talk,

And so you repeated that first soul-wrenching line.

You choked me and pinned me down.

I didn’t say no, but you heard my cries of pain.

You didn’t care, because you were angry.

You made sure that I knew everything you did was on purpose.

You stayed inside me when you released your anger.

You said you did it on purpose.

How could you be so heartless?

How could you hurt someone who loved you so much?

How could you laugh at someone who was clearly hurting?

I am still hurting in places that shouldn’t hurt from a lovers touch.

I am still hurting in my heart, from the knife you put through it.

I am still hurting so much that all I can do is cry and wonder why.

I know you think you’ve done nothing wrong,

But I pray for the poor girl you pick next.

I pray that karma comes for you,

And you fall for a girl who only wants you naked in her bed.

I pray that she doesn’t make the same mistakes I did.

I pray that she doesn’t fall for your lies and charm.

But most of all,

I pray that you realize all the wrong that you’ve done,

that you do better in school,

And that life gets easier for you.

I pray that one day, you’ll find a way to love again.

But know that I won’t be there in the end,

Because I love myself more than I’ve ever loved you.

And I won’t be broken then,

Because broken girls blossom into warriors.