boys

i feel nothing

as he puts his arm around my shoulder

except for maybe discomfort

i don't understand

why doesn't it make me feel excited or loved

like the media says it should

as he smiles at me and sits close

i just hope that we can be friends

and he won't try to be more

i feel nothing

as he puts his lips on mine

except for maybe discomfort

and the desire to stop

he asks me later if it was okay

i don't know what to say and the advice offered is to say yes

because his pride is more important than honesty i suppose

we could've been friends

but he tried to be more

and now we avoid each other

or make awkward small talk

i felt something

a long time ago

when he called me pretty

but every boy since then just hasn't been enough i guess

what is wrong with me

i don't feel anything but anxiety

when they tease and compliment me

when they get close and try to be something to me

but when she held my hand

i felt something

i felt good

why can't it be like that again?