Brain Strength

I don't thing such a thing as being smart exists.

But let's pretend it does for a greater puprose.

To make up for my lack of definition

Lets rename intellegince as brain strength

Because I know I am not smart.

There's a downside to having a strong brain.

It's easy to fake a tone.

I could sound happy! Overzealous!

Write lines like: 

She was so beautiful! Oh, the godess's extravagant manner coupled with her gorgeous black locks could make anyone fall in love with her! Her beauty attracted only the most valuable producrts in the land.

Or:

She was so... pretty. Her highness distinguished herself from the peasantry by surrounding herself with luxuries. Her long, oily black hair shone with the product she snatched from starving artisans. Her aura was unmissable, captivating everyone around her.

But in reality:

I couldn't give a shit.

It's easy to lie once you've trained.

Trained to keep track, how to avoid specifics.

It's easy to fake being okay when your brain is strong.

People with depression experience hardship in school. So, all I have to do is get good grades.

People with depression can't hol leadership positions. So, I join all the clubs I can. I'm even the president of one.

People with depression aren't able to hide it. At least, not the ones in the statistics.

Maybe I'm an anomaly. Is that why my depression is so inconsistent?

Someone depressed is never happy.

But I can be happy. I can.

Someone depressed can't get out of bed.

But I can. If I really try.

Someone depressed is depressed as the result of losing their parents. Or they have experienced trauma. Or they have chemicals misbehaving. Or they are in situations they can't control.

But I have none of those.

I am not valid.

I have no reason to be sick. I am not sick.

My illness is fake. 

My health is fake.

I am a fake.

Or is my brain overpowering itself again?

Is my brain tricking me again?