Brave

Note: Untitled note The unpleasant smell of pencil shavings and Windex spray fills my senses I see A white board The words, "Socialization time" written in pine green expo marker I look down  I'm sitting in a wooden desk  where am I? "why are you so quiet?" "you dont talk much" "say something" "whats wrong with you?"  Oh, i remember now Outside, looking in It's 2011 We've been paired up  "Describe your partner in one word" "How exactly will this improve my comprehenson skills?", I recall thinking to myself in that moment "Timid" Some things just don't change Unless you change them "What are you so afraid of?" Same response every time  "I don't know" I did, but it took me a while to realize  Fast forward a year "You're so funny", that's what they said  "You're still scared", that's what I heard  "Word of advice: Converse isn't spelled with a k, tell dollar general to give you a refund" The crowd goes wild "That used to be you", the icy calm voice whispers to me with disgust My smile fades Face now expressionless The words stuck on repeat in my head, volume rising steadily into a harsh scream  The Faint sound of laughter heard vaguely in the background  But I'm too dazed to join them I'm Stuck in my head  Still fighting a losing battle with my conscience My stupor is only broken by the sight of the boy's tear strucken face  The memory slowly fades  6 months have passed since you made a discovery Realization of what you feared the most  You're quiet again , except not out of fear  This time content that you know the truth  No longer keeping secrets from yourself  Not yet confident , but no longer fearful You sit there reading the captivating words of the book that changed your life  Whether by the unseen presence of fate or god, something miraculous happened  the two words that now serve as an everyday reminder for you apperared on the page Be Brave.  That was the heads up for my first test  "Do us all a favor and buy some deodorant, you smell like you just walked out of a slaughterhousehouse." "You don't know what people go through at home, he probably can't get stuff like you can."  The words tumble out of my 12 year old mouth before I can stop them The chastiser gives me a strange look before turning towards his audience  Seconds later the group breaks out into hysterics, obviously a result of the fool's remarks  Before I have a chance to feel regret, the victim approached me "Thanks, you didn't have to do that", accompanied by a shy smile I didn't deliver justice, but I was rewarded one small victory I made a friend for life that day  Fast forward yet again  It's present day  I'm in my room scavenging for scholarships online Then I see it  "I am..Scholarship Slam" My fingers seem to move on their own accord No longer do I have that fear  The fear of judgement The fear that at one time consumed me The fear that still consumes the world The fear that I had one time become  That's no longer me I'm someone different with old qualities Im still quiet  I'm still content Some things just don't change  But I knew I needed a change, so I made one  A change that I'm forever greatful for Now I am Brave.