I had to be lost for awhile

To get to where I am now

I had to be pushed down, left, and walked on

To know who I am now

Because before, I was so plastic

Falsly built up by the words of my parents and peers

 

I fed on the approval of others, of you, to fell like I was worth something

I was happy, but only on the surface

Filled with artificial confidence and no real passion or wounds

Always dependent on the opinions of others and never on my own,

Because I didn't have to be

 

I only felt like I had a voice because people listened

And then I met you and you listened too, making me feel invinisible

And then when I started to get lost and question alot of things,

I put up a wall and I wasn't the same

And when people stopped listening, when you stopped listening, I stopped talking

I lost myself

I let other people tell me who I was

And I was so

empty

 

I got so tired of feeling so numb and being so lost,

and I realized that it was enough even if my voice only mattered to me

I realized that I didn't need an audience to be heard

I didnt need anyone else to accompany me to do what I wanted to do

I didnt need to be the center of anything to be important

Because I'm important to me

And that was enough

 

When I started to open up again, I didn't do it because I was waiting for someone to listen,

But because I decided that I had to take down the wall I had put up around myself

If I ever wanted a chance finding true happiness in myself and in this life

When I took down that wall and looked up at the world again,

Is when I  found the people who truly embrace me the most

The people who hear me when I'm silent

The people who challenge me and teach me

The people who encourage me

Their love isn't conditional

They love me for who I am

And now I do too

 

They say that you have to keep breaking your heart until it opens

And I think they're right

I'm grateful for what I've been through this past year

Because if it weren't for all of the pain and lonliness and hopelessness

that I've felt,

I would have never broken free of my own fetters

And I wouldn't be and I wouldn't love

The person I am today,

right now.