Breakwaters

Perched on the edge of life,

I am waiting, waiting

For brows to furrow, frowns to materialize, fingers to point

To hear the mutters of "fraud"

Near perfect score on a nationwide test;

That can't be my score

I am in disbelief-I couldn't have done that

I am waiting for the call, the apology: we have mixed up results, those are not yours

All doors are open for you, they say

You can do anything, be anything, they encourage

I  wonder how I will see what is hiding on the other side of these doors

If I cannot scavenge the courage to open them, to shake the fear of them slammed in my face

The feeling of incompetence cannot be left behind

It is clinging like a second skin

Constantly reminding me to stay humble, but humility can be too much

Reminding me to expect less, so that disappointment may not crest up over the breakwaters

I wonder if this fog can ever be shaken, if I can venture beyond the safety and the known

To swim over the barriers keeping the rough tides at bay to the unimaginable depths beyond

Or if I will always be lingering, perched, waiting to wake up from this dream of success

Biding time until I am uncovered as an imposter and pulled back to shore