Breath and Be.

The sun goes down and I know it's coming.

I lay in bed trying to fight the urge - don't shake, don't move. 

I feel the sharp cold jolts run from my toes to my knees, my torso, and my shoulders,

It's begun. 

I tell myself it will be okay but still shake and start to feel the emptiness radiating from inside me.

Closing my eyes I wish that it would go away,

that my worries over nothing would be gone, not being suffocated in my body.

I can't take it anymore.

Sitting up out of bed, taking the step out, and wobbling to the backyeard.

The brisk air of the early hours hits me and eases my tensions. 

Though still some shaking I take a deep breath and close my eyes. 

I see no moon, no stars, no street lights. 

But rather just darkness. 

Time passes and now I am still. 

The worst has past and my mind begins to uncloud from the worries that flooded it earlier. 

Now I just think why? Why does this happen to me? 

With new thoughts I return to the once safe area of my bed, 

my sheets smother me and make me feel warm even though they are cold. 

I close my eyes.

As morning peeks through my blinds I think.

Not of my day to come, but rather the night,

and how much worse tonight will be than the last.