Breathe

I cant breathe. that's the only thing i know for certain.. i cant breathe. I am surrounded by hellish black and a silence that has never before been so deafening. I can feel air bristling across my neck, but still i can not breathe. It's as though my body is not even trying to take a breath, as though it has given up, but my mind is screaming for oxygen, my lungs burning, begging to be filled with air that i know is blowing around me, and still i can not breathe. And then It is in that moment of desperate pain that i know, i am not in air, but in water, cold, murky, depths of a lake surrounds me. I do not breathe because it is impossible. How do i get back to the surface? How did i get here in the first place? I don't care now, i just want to BREATHE!!!!! and so I do, my mouth opens and water pours in filling my aching lungs, drowning me, but my mind has made its decision and now i'm being lost to this dreary lake. I can't even control my own body, so i drown painfully, my lungs still begging for air, my mind going fuzzy, i cant breathe, i cant breathe, i cant breathe.....and then i'm awake. i'm not in the lake, no, i'm lying on a cold tile floor, water seeping from the porcelain white tub above me, i can hear my name being called as though from a distance but i see a woman hovering just near my face, checking for a pulse, i feel hands pressing down on my chest, 1,2,3,4,5 and then lips over my own 1,2, my lungs fill with an air that is not mine, yelling, there's yelling, a woman screaming, hands, hands everywhere, pushing, praying, begging for me to just breathe!! Then there's a cough, water pours from my lungs onto the linoleum floor, and i remember why i was in that lake, why i didn't breath, i see the pill bottle floating from the surface of the tub, i was there because i wanted to be, but now i am not and now i am glad, glad to breathe.