Breathing.

Breathing.
Waking up late because I
Stayed up late.
I was
Drinking.
He was
Angry.
Now I’m
Texting.
No answer.
Texting.
No answer.
Texting.
Boyfriend is typing.
Typing.
No answer.
I’m calling.
Calling.
No answer.
Time passing.
Still calling.
Twelve time’s the charm.
Answer.

WHAT.

“What do you want.”
Pausing. Not answering. Not thinking.
He’s repeating.
“What do you want.”
Overthinking.
Hanging up.

Looking at the clock.
One on the dot.
Eating.
Green apples are his favourites.
I was his favourite.
And I’m
alone in the house.
I remember when
we were alone in his house.
Now we are nonexistent.
He said forever.
I promised sober.
Some promises are bound to be broken.
And now we are over.
Over my dead body.
To his house I

COULD.

I could drive there.
Last time, I flew.
I was flying.
First time flying.
Flying high.
And I am high again.
On the ground and high.

Walking and stumbling.
My heart is crumbling.
I am
going to my car.
I’m going to the stars out west.
And longs sleeves hide scars.
His vest is in my trunk.
I am
bringing it to him.
That’s all I’m doing.

I.

I am driving.
Diving into my subconscious.
His subconscious.
Unconscious.
Waking.
Still Driving.
Sleeping.
Still Driving.
Crying.
Still Driving.
High.
Flying High.
I was his favourite.
Not sober.
I cannot see.
Still driving.
Over my dead body.
Not over.
Two hours of
“Still driving”.
He was angry.
Last night.
He was angry.
I promised.
Still driving.
Light.
Dark.
Crash.
Not driving.

HAVE.

Have I made it.
Am I there.
Where am I.
Where is he.
Is he still angry.
Because some promises are bound to be broken.
Beep.Beep.Beep.Beep.
I am
lying down.
Am I dying now.
Can’t be crying now.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Not dying.
Breathing.
People are coming and leaving.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
My parents are coming.
Not leaving.
I’m not leaving.
I’m living.
But they’re crying.

“She is dying,” they’re saying.
Who’s dying.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Who is it.

Who is it.
A mother of two.
Soon to be three.
Three in the morning.
Mourning the loss of one life.
Would have been two.
She was a wife.
Mother of two.
Lost her life.
Who is it.
And what have I

DONE.

Her life is done.
She was a wife.
Mother of two.
Her life is done.
Would have been three.
What have I done.
I was
high on the ground.
Now I’m
high on a building.
She was building a family.
I was building destruction.
High on a building.

High in my mind.
Going to jump.
What have I done.
Her life is done.
My life is done.
I couldn’t see.
Mother of
would have been three.
And all I keep asking is
What have I done
And

WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY.