Breathless Heart...

My heart no longer smiles the way it use to
It just sits there and stifles
The feelings that it really wants to let out
It holds back and waits
Unwilling to express itself out of the anxiety
That self-expression will be the one reason for its destruction

But then again who cares if it fails
If it suddenly stops
Or explodes from all
The hidden emotions
Maybe when it is completely demolished
It wouldn’t hurt every time
I breathe
It wouldn’t stop every time I hear your name
It wouldn’t break down and cry every time you
Decide to cross my mind
Or decide that maybe you should text or call me out of pity

Well spare me your sympathy
Cause after a week or two
And you decided that everything is more important
Than me, I get over you
And then you choose to text me at the point where
I’m happy and realize that I don’t need
You around or in my life to cause me pain
But just then I snap back into the mind set that
I was in only about a few days before
And I begin to hate!
I get mad, sad, anxious, depressed
And every other negative emotion that you could think
Of
But my hatred isn’t towards you
No not at all
I hate myself
But not on some emo I want to die type of crap
But more like a why are you so stupid Andria!
You’ve trained yourself to not believe
That a child of my age can really feel like this
But you have let yourself be deceived my the
Perfect exterior of what I assumed to be “love”
Unaware that behind every blue sky there
Is a deadly storm waiting to catch you while
You’re out without an umbrella
I write all of this instead of saying it
Because you cant listen
And some people just can’t understand
I don’t know what to do so
I lay back unsure of how to handle my heart
That now seems to be in your hand…

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