Brink of Destruction

Staring at the crisp, blank, white page, watching the time fly by me, wondering how I ended up here, in this point, in this moment.

Stuck, like the last small speck of sand in an hourglass, unable to move forwards, backwards, sideways, until another force with more willpower and life than I will ever have moves me.  And I can do nothing but drift along with it. Falling to the bottom of an endless abyss, the cascade of insignificant specks drowning me, crushing me with their weight.

And I am suffocating.

Suffocating due to the inability to move, speak, breathe.  But I will admit, it is all my doing. I did not have the strength to move myself.  So another did. I did not speak for myself. So others did. I tried to breathe for myself, but eventually it got tiresome so I gave up.  And most of all, I tried to live. But I failed with that too.

So now I have this crushing weight on my shoulders like that tiny speck of sand in the hourglass and yet, I still cannot speak.  I still can’t find the will to live. I am surviving, but just barely. Shaky, withering breaths, like that of a wind floating through the leaves of a dying tree in the fall, sneak past my lips.

I am reawakening.

And then a ray of shimmery yellow light shines into my cold, soulless eyes blinding me completely for a few milliseconds.  Breaking apart the stone structure I have built around myself in time to keep myself in and others out. I close my eyes as warmth spreads throughout my whole body, from my soft exterior skin to my pulsing blood filled interior.  A whisper of life drifts by my ear, leaving my quaking body in its wake.

Finally I have awoken from the long seemingly endless slumber.  I am no longer trapped beneath a sea of tiny specks. I am no longer struggling to breathe.  I am no longer barely surviving.

I am alive.