broken

Do you remember the way I used to make you smile? Do you remember how you told me that you would always remember me, no matter what? Why would you break my heart like that?

Why would you pretend to care about me? You put a mask over your face and you suddenly took it away. You told me that I needed to “toughen up” and “be strong” when you couldn’t do it yourself. 

You lied to me and to yourself. But, you finally came to your senses. You stop believing the lies. You stop seeing me the same way. You saw how broken I was, and you didn't want to be apart of it anymore. You left me to put my broken pieces back together. We all know that I can’t do puzzles and my pieces were all mixed up. I needed you the most and you left. 

And you knew it too. 

Why would you leave me with my thoughts and actions? You know I’m impulsive. A spur of the moment kinda girl. A person who never has second thoughts until after it’s already over. 

Even though you’ve broken me, I miss you. I miss the you that I thought was real. I miss the mask you put up. The person you pretended to be for me. The fake smiles, the forced laughs, the real tears. I wonder if you miss me. I haven’t changed much. Still the same ol’ broken girl who loves to smile, but rarely does. I’m like Humpty Dumpty. I’m sitting on the edge, trying to decide if I should jump or not. And you’re the wind that pushes me off. 

You could never tell when I was sad. It’s like I was holding up a mask, only you could see.  It’s like you didn't wanna deal with my problems, so you saw what you wanted and not what was real.

You always told me lies, just to get me to shut up. You told me exactly what you thought I wanted to hear. I just wanted someone, anyone to give a crap about my life. You were what I was holding on to and you decided to let go.

You thought that you had buttered me up enough and that I needed to go cold turkey. 

It’s not your decision to make. You don't get to decide if I’m happy today or sad tomorrow.

You don’t get to choose to be with me only when things are going good. I’m not a buffet. You don’t get to pick and choose what you want to deal with. You either get all of me or none. I may not seem like it but I’m strong.

Yeah I’m broken, but those cracks don’t disable me. I’ve been hurt so many times in my life. Most of them by you.

I just don’t understand. What did I say? What did I do? Why are you leaving me out for the wolves? I try and try and try to make you happy, but it’s never enough. I’m never enough. I’m never gonna be enough for you.

All you see when you look at me is...broken.