Broken

Do you believe in destiny?

How about fate?

Why do we lust after things that break us?

Why do we constantly give away pieces of ourselves?

Is it in a futile attempt to be whole?

all the while giving into the flesh wounds

words that scar us

cut us to the bone 

broken within the seams of our desires

Desires to be whole 

to gain insight into why we are too broken to hold secrets skin deep

Words that encrypt us within the idea of love 

we are but a clause written in secrecy 

an invisible link to anything but secrecy 

Why do we shelter those who are the storm that beat us down?
Give in to the idea that through that storm we are stronger?

When in reality I believe that the storm weathers us

wear and tears that slowly erodes any foundation 

Have you ever been completely naked?
Standing exposed without cover?

Naked but yet not afraid?

Never felt that feeling to not be afraid

I guess that I am afraid the answers I am looking for

are within me and that makes me a monster

A hidden monster in the shadows

ready to leap and cross oceans to destroy all of the trust I have built

What do I fear? The idea that even though you left me long ago

I am still chained to the idea that we could still be a family

Why am I still holding onto a hope that could break apart my entire being?
Crack any encryption 

I can't let go.

I can't be happy because all i wonder

is why

why did you leave

even if it was best for me?
Does that love replace those feelings of loss?
Does that supposed love make up for your life choices?
Do we all deserve judgement for our weakest links?
I don't believe so, 

after all I became a counselor to get others through what you couldn't

So let me ask why couldn't you choose to love us enough to walk away from the life you knew

to start a new life that included us?
Would it have killed you?
Would I have been completely different?

Oh the possibilities, now just a wonder in a broken girl

did you know that when you left?
Did you know you would forever break me?
Because i don't feel whole

I don't feel enough

I don't feel sorry for your life choices

I feel sorry for myself

I feel that I can't find forgiveness

because to forgive means to forget the IOU's 

To forgive means to really be okay with what happen

and for some stupid reason I can't be okay.

I am not okay

I am broken 

Yet you seem as whole as possible

is that why you reached out?

to tell me your life is complete?
My life should be. . . 

But yet you left a crater inside my soul

I can't find enough love to fill