Broken

1980's was the time,

Mental illness in family,

To talk about it ,

Was a crime.

Grew up totally alone,

No one to turn too,

No helpline,

No mobile phone.

Kept sadness,

Inside of me,

Unable to express,

Wanted to flea,

Tiredness built up,

As a young man you see,

Unable to free oneself,

Uncomfortable feeling.

Lethargic and moody

Irritable, not sound,

Despite energy of youth,

Felt pinned down.

Time went by,

Shackles got heavy,

Wanted to run away,

No one to save me. 

Isolated and trapped,

Very depressed too,

Spirit was broken,

No-one even knew.

Moulded all wrong,

So very early,

Had to be strong,

Lots of therapy.

Turned inside out,

Emotionally,

Turned the past out,

Traumatically.

Life went by,

Very quickly,

Missing out,

Romantically.

Unable to see,

Past this dark journey,

Cut myself off from everyone,

Totally.

Knew this weren't right,

Feeling this way,

Knew things had to change,

Moved to capital city. 

New life, 

New home,

New friends,

Old bones.

Couldn't escape,

Past tragedy,

Couldn't run away,

Caught up with me. 

Had to face,

This turmoil inside of me,

Had to face,

Darkness, wanted to be free.

Tiredness continued,

Unbelievably,

Clinical depressed

Perhaps this is me. 

Hated the thought,

Of not being free,

Hated the feeling,

Exhausting.

Can't carry on,

Thinking this way,

Can't carry on,

Look at that noose, no way. 

Then one night,

I breakdown nervously,

Then the next day,

Got to change me. 

Felt like the bottom of a sewer,

Almost daily,

Felt like I couldn't get up,

So down, unfortunately.

Then one day,

An angel appeared,

Try ayahausca,

It will release your fears.

Head off to a retreat,

Optimistically,

Strange new ceremoney,

Not sure its for me. 

Too late, you drunk,

The magic remedy.

Sit down and prepare,

The magical mystery.

Geometric patterns,

Appeared before me,

Flash back of childhood,

So vivedly.

Pain so much pain,

Kept on coming,

A dam of tears,

Released internally.

The medicine is special,

You'll have to see,

Medicine is unique,

Can't comprehend thee.

Now I see, 

What it did to me.

Released me from internal hell,

Locked in tightly.

Didn't happen over night,

Not easily,

Took psychedlic's,

Seven times, regularly.  

What it did,

Set me free,

Start to rebuild my life,

Away from dark journey. 

A new birth,

New feeling today,

Letting go of old things,

That lead me astray.