Broken and Afraid

Dear Nathan 

Broken and afraid 

 A little girl with lots of hopes and lots of dreams. Big ideas that were never seen. Pushed away by those she loved. And yet she still survived without a hug. She used to have a dog named ladybug. She tried to give her lots of love but always ended up with a scratch. As the little girl grew so did her cloud. It follows her every where she goes home school her friends house just stuck above her head. And when she's in bed is when it all goes down. And she gets a frown. The cloud starts to rain and she feels pushed down. Her body heavy her breath slow barely even there all she can do now is stare. Stare into her sad broken soul which has no light inside because darkness took over long ago. A teen in high school loses her only caregiver and she breaks. Can't stay in school can't talk move breath. Depression and sadness becomes her only friend. She puts on a face but deep down she's in a dark place scared to show her face it's like a race.. a race to the end. To the end of what. Well the end of her pain there's nothing for her to gain she just sits there going insane listening to her brain telling her she's not worth it. That no one will fight for her not even herself. Just a body going through the motions not a soul in her no beating heart it was all torn apart by those who said i love you and lied. They walked away and all she could do was fake a smile and say okay. Okay I'm fine no I'm good happy of course excited hell yeah lies and faces she put on so people wouldn't say why the long face? What's wrong are you okay questions she hates because they'd never understand why she could possibly answer no I'm not. What's wrong is she didn't feel smart enough to stay motivated for school she wasn't brave enough to try out for the play her world crumbling under her feet no one was there to hug her when she needed it. They would say it's okay not to be okay I'm here for you but when she needed them they left and she wondered where did they go they said they'd be here. Scared to hold onto anything but her tears she fought back for years she felt scared and alone. Nothing to call home no where to go only back to her thoughts which ate her inside. I guess she finally just let the monsters back in and bring her soul ten feet under. She was finished and couldn't go on no more left inside her broke afraid of what's next I wanted you to know the real me before you made a decision to love me forever so this is me 

Love,

Taylor Carey