Broken and Rebuilt

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves”

Edna Buchanan

I used to believe that.

I used to know, deep down in my heart, that blood may run thicker than water, but water is the very thing we are made of, and without it we are nothing

You used to be that

You were the water I chose to take my fill of every day to keep myself going, you nourished me and allowed me to flourish into a gorgeous rose bloom that you could admire every day

So why is it that when I stood there, the world around my neck, you offered me

Nothing

I hide in shame from what I’ve become because I can’t bear the thought of your rejection

I’d given you my heart and soul, presented carefully in this gorgeous little velvet-lined box, you had it for years, I was certain it was safe with you, and then you threw it to the ground and stomped it into the dirt.

In fact, the damage you did was so great that I had to run to the very people you told me were poison, and you know what they did?

They healed me.

They took those broken, crumpled shards of my emotions and lovingly pieced them back together like they actually mattered

These people, these monsters that wanted to steal me from you and derail my life, they took my mangled parts and smoothed out the bends, stitched the rips, and turned the scars you left me with into something I can treasure forever

The chains that you placed around me, binding me into this perfect role you wanted me to play, they destroyed that and set me free to be the person I wanted to be, not what you thought was the “ideal” me\

They collected me up off the floor and glued me together into a masterpiece and taught me how to embrace my feelings and come to terms with them, and for that I am forever in their debt

But of course my feelings don’t matter

Emotions are a hindrance I can’t afford to acknowledge

Broken things can’t be fixed, chains can’t be broken

At least, that’s what you told me.

I’m not a kid anymore, because of what you’ve done to me. You took my childhood innocence and ripped it away in a flash, leaving me as this vengeful monster determined to succeed where you said I would fail.

So now when I find someone that makes me want to pour my soul out into their cup, I’ll think of you.

And I’ll keep it to myself