Broken Hearted Wounded...

as i look upon my heart i notice all the deviations some of which were mine to start others were miscreated i was born with a hole the size of the son in the middle of my heart and its all my fault traced back to my ancestors who started it all and now im incomplete and life's lost it's fun like a tinker toy boy ive tried filling that hole with every imaginable joy and every pleasure known but like a star to a triangle if it doesnt fit then it wont so i look for a new shape a new pleasure to call home ive tried cutting and ive tried drinking both just make the hole worse than before if i ever find the shape that fits it better fit completely and even more ive filled my hole in the darkness with drugs, sex, lust and things but all i feel is a hardness that brings me to my knees ive looked far and even deep within but nowhere have i come to find the piece that fills me in and im running out of time so many of my friends, family and even strangers are walking around wounded with no idea of the danger i try to show them the bloody hole in their hearts but because of their pride it just rips them further apart just like a puzzle we are all interconnected people helping others keeps us alive in dependence because doing it by myself ive spent so much time in vain i could of used to be of help to somone who i didnt know their name ive been through hell and back in this life enough for five ive got all the scars to prove it besides im still alive they say god is infinite then could he be the one big enough to fill my heart my missing piece of the son? ive broken myself to pieces can he see every one of them? and put me back together will he want to be my friend ive done so many things that torment me through the nights regret and remorse double team me and im afraid to turn out the light im dissatisfied with who i am who ive let myself become can you be my way out you loving sacrificial lamb? ive been told things about you that i dont know are true or not will you show me what your like and i'll give you all ive got? im not much good at living maybe you can teach me how to be the one whose giving food to the homeless when it's cold some people call you daddy but my own was murdered young i was only two years old my life not even begun i dont know what its like to have a father there for me can you show me how it's right? because deep down i really want this your all i have left please come quickly to my side jesus become my rescuer so i can be your bride youve done the most it's true for me and ive earned nothing but youve given me your life and all you ask is "trust me?" your invisible how can i trust what i cant see? is their proof to your book that's written verse by verse honestly? if your god then your all powerful never is anything not in your control i bow to you in hakuna matata and i ask you jesus to fill your role in my life and in my heart where only you belong please be my words when i have not and my teacher when im wrong? this is a prayer of reality from me to you, from others please gently love my frailty as only you can do