Broken Scars

There are days I miss the broken part of me

Its left an empty space where a scar once laid

My depression left but my hopeless stayed

Maybe I was always hopeless

My anxiety gets worse but anxiety doesn’t give the late night thoughts of wanting to change

It doesn’t make me brood like I used to

It just makes me paranoid and disabled

I can get out of bed now but do I really want to?

I can get out of bed now but do I really?

I search for something to fill that empty space

Something else to scar the clean flesh

Something else to damage what’s been cured

And the more I sit with myself the more I want to run away

Not away from problems but towards them

I feel like I new a new start

And the worst part is I know I can do it

I know I can leave

I have a plan

And even if it goes wrong I know I can fix it

But I know I shouldn’t 

I should stick to the plan I worked so hard to make

But I don’t want to be seen

I don’t want to be known

I want to be quiet without people questioning why

I’m struggling to find my identity here

Can no one see that I’m not in pain

But I’m still dealing with so much

With myself

The only thing that hurts are the tears that burn down my face like acid