broken:when i'm refusing to hit rock bottom

In the battle, on my last leg standing, heart still beating , but its cold and turning into stone . Taking on challenges- designing itself to bring me down, make me fall helplessly and weak. Drying up tears of heartfelt sorrow, wondering if it will be or ever be a promising tomorrow. Walking away with bloody hands, trying to make it out this world alive, without losing my sanity. Pain so great I ask, I challenge why I am living? What’s my purpose so I can do it and get it over with- wishing things work like that. Tears flow out of my eyes, painful to my own sight , and sense of feeling, feeling like I lost a gallon of blood - due to nothing- ness. Way less motivated to keep on going strong- but I keep going anyways to prove to satan , I’m not a quitter no matter what obstacles and trials, he or it , throws at me. Even though the earthly pain get so deep. Need to control my tongue, before I fall into total damnation, be condemned because I let life get the best of me, to curse my own soul. Lord help me! Feeling lonely and lost, full of pain, my disruptive anger is my fighting my good soul. The coldness of my heart is growing. Losing patience, losing interesting , losing motivation, from the world. I curse it’s evil- wickedness. Be perished now. Before more souls end up like me! At the state , I’m in right now. Life falling apart, trying to weigh its self on me, but I’m brushing it off, as fast as it comes. For everyday evil - negatives challenges . I’m brushing them as fast as they come. Perish now, this disruptive , evil spirit that surrounds itself around me, when things in my life starting to collapse. My dispelled happiness. My vanity of my life right now as it is. Shut my eyes, till of all of this disappear. But understanding I have to go through rain and pain, before everything gets righteous and fulfilling and having every desire of my heart fulfilled. But I am refusing to be broken again!

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