THE BURDEN OF 'MISUNDERSTOOD'

It started off as an escape

An honest distraction,

Just to reshape

The always-constant never-ending never-ceasing never-stopping

Reaction in my body tensing-up-ing heart-a-pounding hard-to-breathe-ing

Need-to-run-ing energy-sapping fear-renewing movement-trapping

always-constant moments…

Call it anxiety.

Then it was a just-in-case,

you-never-know

Reassurance-chase. 

The invisible man now here, now there,

I-tell-you-he’s-trying-to-kill-me-i-swear…

Some scratches here, a bigger one there

Will keep him away;

That sounds fair.

Some symptoms are never given a name.

Before you know it,

It’s a well-why-not?

It’ll heal up nice, there’s no reason to stop.

This body deserves pain and I won’t deny it;

I mean, the boot fits

And it’s better than crying.

By now it’s early days with ‘obsession’

There’s no danger yet, and we’ll call it depression. 

Later still, and they won’t understand –

If I don’t do it, there’s blood on my hands.

Every other moment before my eyes,

my tortured. screaming. sisters. die.

The deeper I go, the less I’m blamed

for the cut-up strangers that know my name.

My skin is painted with guilty have-to’s

Who knew OCD could leave such a bruise?

The cuts and marks don’t stand for ‘attention’

It’s not ok, but it’s an intervention

Whether for angst or attack,

For justice, where it lacks.

It’s a call for help,

A brain-chemical hack.

There’s everything that comes with it:

Stares, silence, other social widgets,

That exhibit

Your weakness. Your wrongness,

Your you-shouldn’t-have-done-this-ness.

Oh, how great the weight of society on the misunderstood.

**SELF-HARM IS A SYMPTOM OF MUCH BIGGER PROBLEMS. IT IS DANGEROUS AND HARMFUL FOR THE SUFFERER. PLEASE REACH OUT TO THOSE WHO MAY BE SUFFERING**