Burning

My mother told me not to smoke

For there to be smoke there is a fire

Fire burns

Mommy Im burning

Waking up in the morning is just another chore

My brain is going dull

These days my heart feels cold

But somehow the warmth emitting from my chest is still warmer than the place im suppost to call home 

See words no longer did the trick for me

And i got sick of swallowing my insecurities with pills

My heart craved something a little stronger

And when i found it my thoughts were no longer allowed to wander

Iv embraced pillows of smoke 

Afterwards hoping my mind would'nt 

Become too dependent on a 15 minute choke 

And all i smell is buring 

When somethings burning theres

A fire where theres a fire you find smoke

My eyes are clouded by smoke

Pretecting me from what i dont want to see sheilding my eyes so you can never guess what i am thinking

And I know you would dissaprove but

No ever gave me much proof that

Things will get better

Well im tired of waiting for things to get better when i can momentarily

Kill the memories making life worst

Countless nights on this blood stained carpet have never been as comfortable as tonight

When being pushed down by expectations and the only motivation to get out of these unreasonable situations is knowing

That some of us dont have time to die because

People count on us to survive and sometimes that isnt even enough to put my demons to sleep

 Only after the fourth sleepless night did i relise that hell was living inside of me

So im sorry but this isnt just a stage and this is also nothing new

Its just that lately Iv been wondering

Am i really that great an actor in front of you

Or do you simply turn your eyes and tune your ears so that you can sleep at night

But in truth im glad you cannot see through my a facade

Even i cant stand the sight of the me who looks broken

Of the girl who loved and love slowly died

And became the crison gold dripping from her veins

The tears in her eyes

And i said i was sorry not to you but to me

Because see this was never in the plans to begin with

But iv been feeling dead lately

Been looking far to long for a place to lay my head lately

And i guess thats why shisha has been the new topic of most of my conversations lately

Often followed by a simple

IM BURNING