The Call of The Blade

The blade felt too cool in my hand

And I couldn't stop staring at my reflection in the mirror.

What was I doing? 

Was this worth it?

It had been scary,

And I hadn't had the slightest clue what to do.

They had poked me and scanned me over and over again,

And I had been alone for hours

In the cold, cold office.  

But was that worth my life,

Or his?

I never wanted this to happen,

I never wanted to be the one to remember

What had happened that horrible night. 

But even so, was this worth it? 

He hadn't done anything wrong. 

He'd caused discomfort and pains in the morning, 

But he wasn't the one to blame. 

Was this worth it?

I rubbed what I thought was his head,

Wondering what kind of a man he wouldn't grow into if I did this. 

Was this worth it? 

The Blade called my name,

Longing for its sharp edge to be pressed into my chest,

Heaving in panic and fear. 

I felt myself lift it up and stared at it, 

My reflection slapping me in the face. 

Was this worth it? 

Five years later, 

I remember that I put the blade down 

After he kicked my side. 

Nothing was worth losing someone

You didn't even know.

He's almost five now,

And he's a sweet boy. 

Five years later, 

I'm glad I decided the Call of The Blade

Was not worth it.