Do you know what it’s like to fight to keep your tears from falling?
Do you know what it’s like to scream and not be heard?
Do you know what it’s like to fake happy every damn day and nobody notices?
Do you know what it’s like to try the kill demons inside of you without killing yourself?
Do you know what it’s like to feel so broken you can’t even move?
Because I do.
I’m so tired of other telling me to just “be happy”.
I’m so tired of others hurting me but telling me not to hurt myself.
I’m so tired of feeling out of control.
I’m so tired of everyone leaving me.
I’m just tired of not being ok.
How do I get past the self-hatred I feel so deep down in my bones?
How do I not give up on myself?
How do I let people in again?
How do I stop being weak?
I’m a shell of the girl I used to be.
I’m just hurting and I don’t know how to make it stop.
I seem heartless, but my heart is just broken.
I feel empty with my spirit shattered.
I live in a constant battle of head vs. heart, but the demon inside is winning.
I laugh when I want to cry.
I isolate myself when I need company the most.
I love others, but I will never believe they love me back.
And I cant figure out how stop the voices in my head.
They are cruel and vicious.
They are the reason I silently scream.
They keep me from reaching out.
They destroy my sanity.
They exterminate my fear of death.
They keep me from my life.
But they keep a smile on my face.
Can you help me?
Can you see behind my mask?