Can(cer)'t Live Without You

You were never normal; your funny faces and your clown jokes

Your red nose always hidden in your pocket in case I needed a laugh

But your abnormal cells dividing to make you sick, I never would have guessed

I’m a young girl and my shoulders are weak, they just can’t bare

That simple thought of you not always being there

I pretend I’m stone that no one could break

But here are my parts, they are scattered in your sickly hands

My tears injected into your chemo veins

Maybe they can fix you, make it go away

For every strand of hair that falls and makes you feel self conscious

But now when I kiss your balding head it's closer to your mind

So when I whisper in “you’re more handsome now” you will be sure to hear me

I am sorry I pretend I’m okay and that none of this seems to bother me

I just don’t know how to say “hold me in your arms, I’m falling apart”

There was always more comfort there when I could actually feel the beating of your heart

And how do I say, “I miss you” even though you’re still here

Because it feels like I’m losing you like I lost first place in the championship round

But you looked at me like I was still your number one

I became yours the day you became mine

And I just can’t fathom losing you, I need more time

You are my coach, my teacher, my best friend, and will always be my one in a billion

I may not get to learn all of your lessons, but I’ll always remember one

You told me to go chase my dreams like the fireflies on that summer night

When the music sang and we danced, my fears flying away as I twirled

I may be 18 and might act like I don’t need you

But daddy, I’m still your little girl