I was always the best girl in my class

when it came to the 

balance beam.

I was the one

who never fell.

 

Not in elementary school.

When the fifth grade graduation dance

gave girls and boys excuses

to have a so-called

“First date”.

 

Not in middle school

when girls started growing into

Young women

who wanted to kiss boys

and imagine a young persons version of a 

Happily Ever After.

 

Not in high school

when most of my friends

lost their virginities

and suffered heartbreak

and sought out advice in me,

the closeted lesbian,

for a reason I still don’t know.

 

All those years

I kept the title

Champion of Not Falling.

 

But then I met her.

Who shook me from the beam.

Gave me a look 

and let my butterflies tackle me to the ground.

I never knew 

anyone

who had even dared to make a toe slip from the type rope.

 

I never met 

anyone

I could fall

so willingly

so fast

so hard for,

till i saw her

in that dormitory hallway.

When our eyes met,

I could feel every part of me shake.

I could feel myself slip into desire.

When our lips

finally touched...

I dove off the top of the cliff.

Tearing up the idea that I could never fall.

 

Yes.

It was terrifying

Yes.

It is still terrifying

Yes.

She caught me in her arms

Yes.

She still has me in her arms

 

Sometimes,

I worry my baggage 

will add too much weight.

that I’ll slip from her grasp

and fall into something

I wasn’t aiming for.

But she just

melts my worry with her tongue.

Teaches me 

how to unpack my baggage.

Teaches me

how to rid myself

of what is no longer serving me.

Teaches me  

Falling

Is so much better

than fearing the what if.