Change

I hate change.

Since I was a kid who didn’t want to give up her training wheels, I’ve hated it.

I was scared to fall off my bike,

And it happened.

A lot.

I was scared to switch schools after kindergarten,

Going to a new place with new people.

The same for after fourth grade, 

At a time when everyone already had their friend groups.

And the same after ninth,

When I wouldn’t have my old friends,

And they’d forget me.

I was scared of making new friends when I left my old friends,

I was scared about meeting new people in a whole new city,

I was scared of being in a new house,

Not having the same regular routine as before.

Not riding my bike around the same flat neighborhood,

Instead I had to learn to ride up hills.

Only good part about that is I always rode down the hill at the top.

I started to hate all change I was experiencing so much I distanced myself.

I sat alone at lunch,

In the cafeteria with a table to myself,

In a teachers room with just the buzzing AC,

Or even in the bathroom where no one could talk to me.

I would go anywhere to be away from the change of people.

When my training wheels fell off ten years ago, 

I fell a lot.

That’s how I feel when things change,

Like I lost my training wheels,

My support,

And I get really scared to fall.