change of heart

My name, it is Joshua,
and I’ve got a story to tell,
some folks, they will not like it,
they’ll cry out,”Go to hell!”

You see my Girlfriend beside me?
it wasn’t always this way,
’cause for the past ten years now,
I’ve been living an ex-gay.

If this makes no sense, relax,
some days it barely does to me,
all I can say is that it started
All the way back in puberty.

In the locker rooms in middle school,
I gazed with hungry eyes,
never tried to deny it,
I was attracted to guys.

My first experience was 8th grade
with a friend-of-a-friend,
in the back of school,
where we did not have to pretend.

And when I went off to high school
it was just like a vast buffet,
with teachers so accepting,
good lord, how did I play…

But later in my junior year
something strange happened to me,
I found myself staring hard
at a woman of great beauty.

She was a cheerleader,
and oh, the shape she had…
but I shook it off as crazy,
maybe I’d taken something bad?

And although I brushed it off,
a week later in came again,
this time an Asian soccer player
when over she did bend.

All junior year I’d catch myself
sneaking girls a lusty glance,
but I kept seeing the fellows,
convinced I was a gay man.

After that year it grew slowly,
found myself going on the net
to admire the female form,
but I couldn’t admit it yet.

Predictably, my relationships
never traveled a sunny path,
and at 17 I met a man
but knew it would never last.

Three weeks in he was out of my life,
I went down to a house party,
got real loose, picked up a girl,
took her to my car and we made love.

And still I couldn’t say it,
I kept on putting up a front,
but when backs turned I went out
to get myself some…fun.

Quickly I Realize my boy attraction is fading,
and I spent the next year
going to the internet, talking to priests,
confused and full of fear.

It was only sitting on the beach with friends,
on a bright and crisp morn,
that I bumped into a woman
who’s eyes promised so much more.

At first I feared she’d run from me
if she heard the messy truth,
but then 3 months later we stand here
still bound by a love true..