The Changing of Words

We shouldn’t even be aloud to speak the words “I love you”

Not after what has happened.

Not after the torture that those words has brought upon my past,

Not since the definition of the phrase  “I love you” has changed

From a blessing to outlash

The word “I” has been conformed into a different human.

The letter that should be singular, has grown,

Grown another arm, another leg, another head

Is that you?

Because it’s not about what my heart thinks anymore

You supposedly know better

Now the word “I” has become “You”

The word “love” has been broadcasted to mean sex

Because sex is love isn’t it?

Because unless I give you what you want

It wasn’t considered love that was inhabiting my heart

Love wasn’t creating a safe house inside in my chest

No.

It was selfishness,

Selfish because I was taking away a privilege

That you had so called, earned.

Now the word “Love” has become “to take”

apparently that’s all I do anymore

What was a healthy relationship without sex anyways?

My body had become a battleground

My sanity versus your ambition

Love wasn’t a figment of my imagination anymore,

It didn’t dance around like ballerinas and butterflies

No.

Love was an action

But all I ever dreamt about was what it was like to be loved,

I clutched the dream as if it was my only hope

Because it was

You were the only one who would ever love me

That’s what you told me

You had a gift that I would only be offered once

This was all a game of cards and you had the advantage

The word “Love” has become an “advantage” for you

The word “you” had been sewn into my heart

The lies had been implanted into my lungs and were burning

The manipulative compliments seemed to fixate themselves inside my heart

You were the virus that was contaminating my soul.

Your lies were the only thing that I could believe anymore,

The word “you” has become the new meaning of “me”

“You take advantage of me”

How was I supposed to even accept

In a different version of love

One that was constructive instead of destructive

One that would provide strength instead of self consciousness

A love that would cause my heart to giggle

Instead, love was giving me a panic attack over meaningless words

I found him

I found a man

I found a man that loves

I found a man that cares

Now the words “I love you” means something different

The word “I” now means “We”

Because I am not alone anymore

I can not be complete in your absence

Without you it just feels like another black hole

You are better.

With each other we are stronger

The word “I” now means “We”

The word “love” doesn’t frighten me as much anymore

The word love proves to me that you care,

The word love reminds me of the memories,

The times you cared so much you cried,

The moments you cared if I lived or died,

The times were we both cared so much

That we would hurt ourselves in order to save the other

Because that’s just who we have become

We are together

We are happy

We are the past, present, and the future

The word “love” now means “are”

But love isn’t just the actions that we take

Love isn’t the words he says

to get what he wants.

Love isn’t the pictures that are taken

Just to see how many likes we can receive on Instagram.

Love is inside

Love is within

Love is the look that he gives me when I am not watching,

Love is the fireworks that go off inside my head,

Love is the sense of calm that happens

When he is beside me in silence,

Love is within

The word “love” now means “in”

The word “you” is now all mine

I am yours and you are mine

You have cleaned my soul

You have replaced my lungs with the balloons

that lift me up to cloud nine,

You have restored my charred heart with half of yours

And although neither of are hearts are complete anymore

Together we are whole.

You gave me a chance,

A hope.

You gave me parts of you I didn’t deserve

You gave me something to love

Something healthy to love

The word “you” now means “love”

“We are in love”