Chaos In An Enclosed System

On the surface my demeanor is calm.

To anyone who talks with me it's as if I've not one qualm.

Beneath this exterior lies another person entirely.

A person who dreads failing; who has become obsessive and miserly.

The voice used in a public setting is not the same used to speak inwards.

The resonating tunes within chide how pathetic are my academic standards.

Outwardly there is a toothy grin, a hearty laugh, and a twinkling eye,

But inwardly is a furrowed brow, a deepened frown and a soft cornered cry.

Day by day every person who beholds my visage

Bespeaks later of the smile, the joy, and the overall happy vestige.

Yet few are able to see past the well-constructed facade.

Fewer still are able to reach me when a grave my decisions plod.

Chaos forms and peaks in the enclosed system that is my mind

But slowly, carefully, I claw my way out of this heavy loathsome bind

Through hard work and with the aid of those who truly care.

Perhaps not today but someday I will be able to break free and be able to repair.