Chapter 1

I am difficult.

Something mixed of unique and medicated.

A girl, but a woman.

A compromised beauty.

 I have committed myself to many mistakes.

Regret is a word that stands strong on my shoulders.

A past well lived and a future awaiting more faults

Ideal happiness, that doesn’t linger.

To save a life.

To love again.

He looks at me, happiness runs within, but the thought of him runs quicker. 

High school is supposed to be the best time of one’s life, instead the memories lie deep were repression has taken over and regret only builds.

If the future shines through your eyes, know that my past blinds mine.

Hope sparked that you erupted anger and false belief, truth is I’m just ill.

With a partner like you, I am at my strongest; tears never fall. Without you I have found my weakness; and they never run dry.

You, you were supposed to be my soul mate, not my loss.

This past tense vocabulary, this should NOT hurt.

How could he, die for me?

Loving you is possible, loving again, I’m not sure.

Loneliness.

Denial this denial is making me strong, this strength is making me succeed, but this success is not making me happy.

I love you.

An exterior of independence, but this core is needy and thriving for an abundance of you.

I thought I prepared for this loss, instead I am in search mode, in search of a reason why I should still be searching, but I am searching; I thought I was prepared for this loss.

When does letting go begin?

Mental, what a horrible word, a word that defines me; “Mentally Ill” “Depression”  “Mental Illness” “Bipolar” “Anxiety” “Medicated” “Trapped”

Is normal too much to ask for? Why me? Please! Please!

Ying and Yang

How could God’s plan for someone be entrapment? With a mind that controls its self?

I should not be angry with the lord’s plan for me, but grateful.

How can she now hold your heart when you still hold mine?

I miss you; I should not be missing you, we should not even be apart.

I have found a love that is so sweet and kind, but every step forward is a belief that these steps should be a pair of yours.

You were my chapter 1, I am now my chapter 2

Here is where new beginnings happen; today is where they start...