Chasing Beauty

Everywhere I look- I see beautiful people Mirror images that reflect whom I hope to be Whom I thought I was Who I am not now And no matter how many times you tell me, I still won’t believe you. Not until I begin to believe it myself Everywhere I look I- See beautiful people scattered like Barbie dolls we all used to play with because life is a game. We haven’t stopped playing I never stopped playing This game has evolved and become operation like, Buzz I hear the lasers stream Buzz I feel the needles cut Buzz forget the side effects cause after this all my fat will be in all the right places And we won’t have to play doctor anymore, because I’m completely plastic! Everywhere I look I see- beautiful people. Like the plastics I envy. Perfectly shaped like princesses, don’t we all want to be princesses? I mean I’ve never seen a thick princess on Disney I guess this is... what we’ll continue to feed our children. Everywhere I look I see beautiful- People on magazines, in commercials, in advertisements, on TV, in movies, on dating sitcoms like seriously? You’re gorgeous! And you can’t find a man without MTV’s help?\ On billboards, on posters, online, on runways constantly reminding me of the world’s definition of beauty! In which I- Come nowhere near close. Everywhere I look I see beautiful people Except when I look in the mirror I see a girl life has only been kind to every leap year I see a girl desperately searching for answers To find a quick fix out of this body But the answers are hidden too far deep beneath these rolls! I see a girl who wants to purge Who wants to starve Who’s already starving Starving for an easier life, trying to purge her way out of these walls These nightmares These realities These memories of name calling Chubby FAT ugly! Only my mother ever called me beautiful. I see a girl, not a woman. I see me. I see hundreds of Pretty Hot and Thick women who’ve always been classified the wrong term of FAT! I see me and you see me, but we are looking at two different people. Every day you look at me- You see a beautiful person. The definition of what beauty should be Smart, funny, pretty, talented But I still won’t believe you, Not until I see it myself Not until I believe it myself And NOT until the WORLD believes it.