Chasing Light

Chasing Light

Stranded in the midst of a labyrinth of uncertainty and the sun is ceasing to exist till the morrow. Creator, why is this live so overwhelming?! Whatever happened to Agape; Jehovah Shalom? Am I breathing underwater-clawing and gasping for air; is your name not El-Shaddai?

I am traveling in dire circles with no end in sight; crying out Jehovah Shammah, Jehovah Shammah where are You?! Was I destined to bear this voyage alone? I did not strike this match! Are You too busy for me Jehovah Mekaddishkem or did you just forget about me? Your children cry out Hosanna, yet You are content with forsaking me Giver of Life.

Why can’t I rely on You Almighty One? Are You not the Living Stone? Does it bring You pleasure to sit here and watch me endure turmoil? Are You the God of pain and suffering, the God of havoc and confusion? Why do they call You the “comforter and counselor” if You can’t even live up to the promise of Immanuel?

I gaze at my reflection and see a broken worthless disarrayed heap of ashes—what do you see Jehovah Tsidkenu? You may be the Vine of Life but I am hollow, I am an empty void; I am my own dreary abyss. Are You on some magnificent vacation oh Holy One?! There is no seventh day for me-- for I am withering away; I beg you to heal my wounds already! Are You not the Great Physician?

I can’t grasp why others christen You as the Everlasting Father? The only thing that is everlasting is this madness! Was this predisposed, because I am not Your martyr. My frail mortal self is unwilling, uncooperative and malcontent. Can’t You see there is no compromising on this matter. Are You listening to my grievances Father?! Who are You to give this calamity, this affliction? I am weak and You…You are the “all reliable” the “good and faithful” the “great defender” the “solid rock”. Some rock You are.

My friends tell me of how great You are “God does this and that-He’s so good to me! He Loves me more than I could ever imagine” so why do I sear? Why am I wasting away in this dry desolate wicked reality when You are the Fountain of Living Water? This grim nightfall is my destination because You have abandoned me Light of The World. My eyes are racing in every direction hoping, wishing that You were here; that I wasn’t being neglected. I am scared Father, I have nothing to offer You; why must this odyssey continue?

I thought this adventure would be lively and full of bliss, however I was gravely mistaken. Great Leader; this is a frozen wasteland. Happiness will not prevail without the Infinite Spirit. God, shine throughout these bleak dreary clouds, exist as the Bright Morning Star. Become my Refiner’s Fire and give me new depths to my understanding of You; transforming my soul allowing me to have a renewed vigor for life. I want You to lead this messy chaotic crusade. Be relentless with Your love of me, chase me Infinite Spirit, become my Consuming Fire.

The places I have been searching are unable to satisfy; I lack understanding of how You, my God provide. I see now that I have been short sighted, unable to appreciate, incapable of seeing things clearly. I thought I was captured by Sin-but now I realize that I have been rescued by a Friend. Is this why You are called Redeemer of Israel?

I will rise to the pinnacles of highest mountains far above the whispering clouds and my voice will resound “long live the King of Majesty.” Stay with me always and remind me that I am beautiful because I was created by You, The Rose of Sharon. Let all of creation experience our Loving Father as I have. This journey is not about me, my Messiah, it is about You.

I want to love the world and hate the dark. Give me Your ethereal radiance, allowing me to be the catalyst that can revive the still lifeless hearts. Allow me to be so transparent that when others see me they will see You. Let me receive Your eminent grace so I can bless others with it. As I keep seeking, learning, traveling and yearning I will declare that You are the Beginning and the End, The Alpha and Omega, the Great I am. You are Yahweh.