Cheap entertainment

I wish i could blame my self-loathing on someone else.

But i know i cant.

I believe it is all my fault.

The heartbreak i have suffered.

The hate that i feel from everyone.

I run around with guy after guy. 

Looking for the love i am refused.

But all i find is cheap entertainment.

An hour of clumsy enbraces.

Just to be left feeling more empty than i did the hour before.

How can i break the cycle,

When its all i know?

To be completely honest,

I almost prefer this strange merry-go-round 

To the unknown of a mans' true love for me.

Should i be scared?

Well,

Might as well be.