Chicken Nuggets

You would think after dating someone for a whole year that you would know what to get them for your one year anniversary. 

365 days of talking almost every day and I still sometimes forget the simple things 

365 days of talking almost every day and I don’t even know the simple things about you 

The one thing that I that is branded in my mind is the sounds of your cries when you have your panic attacks. 

It took me 100 days to figure out how to silence your cries with love and comfort that you lacked 

As 100 turned to 200 your cries became less frequent but your depression was still there

Depression is a person who comes in your loneliest of hours. I’ve seen depression walk alongside my grandmother like I see it walk with you. 

Depression is a harder foe to conquer but I can win the battle every now and again to make sure it doesn’t pull you into its sweet embrace within a dark hole. 

There have been times where I’ve forgotten myself trying to pull you away and into my warm embrace. I put on the mask because one thing I learned from theatre was how to be happy when you feel like climbing into a twin sized bed with depression. 

But you see the rare crack in my mask and I feel utterly vulnerable and scared. Scared that you might leave cause I’m scared I can’t stop myself from taking more pills than I should before I lay down for bed.  

I feel vulnerable when you take off my mask and make me show you what I’ve been concealing from the world. My tears stain your hoodie so I couldn’t show anyone but you my ugly tears. 

But there hasn’t been a time where I haven’t felt safe with you when my mask was placed to the side. There are times where I forget it on my nightstand when I leave. 

And with all these memories you just might get a 20 piece chicken nugget meal from McDonald’s. You’re welcome.